Thursday, June 20, 2013

A napkin and ice

To most it is just a cloth napkin, ice and some paper towels.
To me, it meant the world.

I'm 18 weeks tomorrow and still the morning sickness has not left me. The past two weeks have been especially hard at work as one of the managers has been out because of surgery. I've been opening the restaurant every day at 5am. On my Saturday I was extremely sick. I did my opening duties and went into the office to work on the rotation sheet. I couldn't keep anything down and the trash can and I became best friends. At one point one of my servers came in the back with a bowl of ice a napkin and some paper towels. He said "Here you go momma I know you get hot and it makes you feel sick." (The back office has a no form of ventilation, we have a fan but it basically blows hot air in your face). I looked back at him and had no words to explain how much I appreciated his gesture.

I'm not someone who likes to ask for help. It's hard for me to do that, I feel weak, and I know asking for help isn't weak its quite the opposite of that, it takes strength to ask for help. While pregnant I've encountered a lot of ignorance from people, people who see pregnancy as a disease, people who think you can't do anything because you're pregnant, the list is ridiculously long. So showing one sign of being under the weather has really been something I'm trying not to show.

Many of the people at work have had kids (none of the managers). One of my server's assistants had 8 of them!! They understand that some of their pregnancies might have been easy, but mine wasn't a trip to Disneyland. As a Supervisor I am the person always checking on them making sure they're okay and not overwhelmed, but they became that to me also. "How are you feeling?" "Hows the baby" "Its definitely a boy". That connection made me the person that they went to if they had an issue. One day I had taxi issues and didn't get to work until about 5:40, I was crying and freaking out about what was going to happen. When I got in, they had already done their side work, opened the silverware cage, opened the office and everything was set. They could have came up with excuses, slacked off, or only done their job but they chose to go above and beyond and help me out.

Compassion isn't something that you teach someone, it comes from within. I can "coach" my associates how to properly serve a table, how to clear a table, to carry trays correctly. But I can't teach them compassion, that is all on their own. If I've learned anything from this experience its that you get what you put out into the world. I could have gone into this job and quit after finding out I was pregnant, I could have gone to work done my job and went home every day. I chose to stay, to build relationships and have a connection with them.

These 5 months of work haven't been easy. I'm not someone who boasts and throws things in other people's faces. But if you think that you can make it working at 5am every day with a full buffet (eggs, cant ever eat them again). While "feeling hungover" and smelling every European's cologne/perfume within a mile of them. I give you my most respect.
 But the days where nobody will get a break and I get them some pizza from room service and I walk into the room to see everyone sitting next to each other on the bench and smiling and thanking me, it makes it all worth it.

I just want people to know that being pregnant or not, the smallest things you do to someone else can change the world to that person. Have you ever had a day where you wish someone would have just given you a smile? Too often we are so caught up in our own problems and issues that we don't take the time to reach out to others. The thing is, nobody knows what someone else is going through. As a society we've learned to hold our pain inside. Many people walk around with a smile on their face to hide their pain. If someone were to reach out and help another with their pain they may realize that they're helping themselves as well.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
—Leo Buscaglia

I promise you, as silly as a napkin and some ice sounds, I will never forget that.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Eating in Public

My friend Jenni posted something up on facebook today about some breast feeding nonsense. I'm from Brazil where there is no prejudice against breast feeding in public. So I'm going to go on a little bit of a controversial rant....
We all eat, just because I don't like the guy at table 12 chewing with his mouth open or slurping his soup doesn't mean I'm going to be going up to him and telling him off for bad habits.
The problem with breast feeding in public isn't that it's a bad habit, it just makes people uncomfortable.
The question is why??!

You were breast fed when you were a baby, I was breastfed when I was a baby. When did it become such an "ugly" thing to feed your baby in public?
I haven't breast fed yet so I don't know how it is, but I imagine it would be uncomfortable having to cover yourself up and your baby in 90 degree weather just so Mary Sue over there doesn't get offended by your boob showing a little Also It cant be comfortable being smothered underneath a shawl to eat as a baby..
Am I flashing you? Am I going out of my way to make you feel uncomfortable? No. I am merely thinking about feeding my baby, I could care less about you and your ideals. I think its a lot more offensive to see a 17 year old girl working at a bikini coffee stand than seeing a woman breast feeding...
Should you really change something thats not necessarily offensive just perceived as offensive because society has become so sensitive in the past 20 years?
I personally have never seen a mother who's breastfeeding sit next to me and shove it in my face, most of the time all they want is a little peace and quiet and for their baby to eat and relax. They're not doing it because they want to show you their boobs, they're doing it because they have to, their baby is hungry. Once the baby is done eating that boob is going back inside her shirt and she's going on with her day. Is that mother thinking about whether she offended you? She probably feels insecure about that nasty glare you're sending her way, but what is she to do? Stop feeding her baby, tell her baby that they aren't allowed to eat unless they are at home in the comfort of their privacy?

You want to tell me that feeding a small baby is sexual? Because my breast is out? How does a baby eating even become sexual? It's a breast, yes, is that mother fondling or shaking it in your face?
Are her boobs just out in plain view? No, there is a baby in front of it. I have seen so much worse walking through the mall now days, side boob everywhere, outrageous cleavage shirts, see through tops and bras showing. None of that is scandalous though?

It's not offensive because her nipple isnt showing?

The way I see it, is if you don't like it don't look. It's easy. I don't like guys with soul patches but do I march up to every  one of them and bitch and moan about how douchie a soul patch makes you look?

Look I'm not a hippie or that crazy all natural mother who's going to use cloth diapers, but I will stand for not giving into what the public sees as offensive when it's merely a natural act of nature. Why is it that an animal drinking milk from an udder is okay and "cute" but a baby human isn't?

At the end of the day you gotta remove yourself from the situation and think, "Is this woman doing this to make me uncomfortable?" No. She's got so much on her mind trying to take care of a crying baby its the last thing on her mind whether you're upset.

I will be that lady breastfeeding wherever my baby decides he wants to eat. If you have an issue with it, don't look. It's simple, I'm not going to suffocate my kid so you can feel comfortable, I'm not going to go to the bathroom to feed my kid....I'm just not. I'm not flashing you or doing anything sexual, I'm merely feeding my baby, like you were fed and others before you.

Until the day that a 17 year old girl can wear scantly clad outfits and not be berated for walking around like a complete hooker and a mother who's silently feeding her baby gets judged for it our society will never evolve.

I will however buy this awesome beenie!!


Saturday, June 8, 2013

Dom wins

For the past 24 hours I have battled a horrible case of food poisoning, or at least it's what I'm going to blame it on. Good thing I had today off, so I'm laying in bed with some gatorade, water, crackers, and Harry Potter.

Yesterday as I was leaving for work I spotted a little kitten next to our side door. Before I could get out and take him though Dom was driving away, so of course I was bummed, but he told me he would go and check on him when he got back. I got a text later saying there were 4 kittens and a momma. Of course I was excited, so when I got home I went out there and Zoey (Momma cat) came out, I left her some food and figured out that they were making the upstairs neighbors porch a home, (Good thing they got rid of their husky german sheppard mix). A guy from the gas company had came to turn on the new neighbors gas on and she ran away, which gave me time to go see the kittens! They are adorable, there is one black one with orange eyes, and two gray tabbies. Unfortunately they got scared and ran away, I didn't think they would be back since I now knew of their hiding spot, but I hoped that since she had gotten some food that she would remember. Dom came home and I took a nap while he made some food, for himself and the dog mostly I was deathly ill. While I was napping with Jack we heard some kitty cries, both him and Tigger got very agitated and ran to the window, I found a kitten on the fence, I went outside to see if everything was ok and Dom was already doing that, we left some more food for Zoey and I came back to bed. I opened my blinds so the cats could look outside and I could keep an eye out for them, when I looked up and she was standing on the fence looking me straight in the eyes. It wasn't a I hate you glare but a thank you appreciative look. Throughout the night I heard a couple random kitten meows and saw them all playing outside my window. I'm glad I'm gaining her trust and that she can have some food to be able to feed her babies.

It's been a very eventful couple of weeks, last week we also bought a car. A 2010 Mercury Milan. It's our first real family car, as our old cars have been more commuter cars. We must have looked for hours at CarMax. Let me explain to those of you who aren't familiar with Carmax. Think of Best Buy for cars, all cars of different sizes, makes, and colors. The sales guy was really pushing us for
a 2012 Nissan Altima, which I was okay with, but it was a bit of  money for a very basic model. It started pouring while we were in the middle of the parking lot so we had to go for cover, which was when I saw it, this beautiful white car, keypad on the outside (Dom tends to lock keys inside the car) and a sunroof. That was the one! As we were looking at it another couple and a salesman came over also, I shook my head at them saying back off its mine, and asked my sales guy to put a sold sign on it, I was taking it home. A couple of hours later I was driving Snow off the lot and on our way home. All the hassle of having to get a cab in the morning gone, all the hassle of having to get a cab for Dom to come home gone also... And now we can go to an actual grocery store instead of the 1950's limited one by our place. Which I did, and I bought fresh OJ and guavas.

Now for baby news! I've been feeling very dizzy the past week, and I had gone to the doctors already for it, my blood pressure was 100/60 which is pretty low considering it was fried chicken friday at work. The PA had told me it was fine to not eat bananas anymore and to eat more often and eat more protein. A week doing what she had told me and nothing had changed. Its very frustrating to be standing at work and randomly want to pass out, have to get off the floor and go sit. So I made an appointment for Thursday, the only time they had open was at noon and luckily Dom had the day off! I picked him up after work and we went. No Botox Brandi, Kathleen would be seeing me. We get my vitals, 104/62 not too bad... check babies heartbeat 150. Kathleen is very young compared to BB, and she looks like she might have been a cheerleader. She listened and gave me advice, then she said she thought that maybe we should get some more blood tests done, the blood tests I had done in my first visit showed nothing wrong but maybe things had changed. Alright, we're getting somewhere finally, and I had expressed how I was feeling a sharp pain on my left side, the last doctor thought it was kidney stones and I cancelled that idea out within seconds. I know kidney stone pain, I had them when I was 15. I don't have kidney stones (thank goodness). Kathleen said that she would check with the ultrasound tech and see if they could get me in. I went to get my blood drawn, something I hate, I dislike needles with a passion but this woman was a miracle worker. No pain no anxiety lots of blood. If I could bake her cookies I would.
 I sit back waiting for the ultrasound with Dom. 20-30 minutes go by and we're confused, finally someone gets out, and her whole family. There must have been 10 people in there! Wow, thats a close family! I like the ultrasound tech, I think her name is Melissa? She's a sweetheart and she remembered me, even though my last ultrasound was at 7 weeks and it looked like a lizard. She tells me the gel is actually warm which I'm perfectly fine with, were not probing me anymore! I have now decided to call Bean Skeletor, the first time seeing Bean with bones and all it was the only thing that came out of my mouth. Bean now looks like a human though! She asks me if I knew the sex yet and I said no, then she asks if I'd like to know. I said well if we can I guess. I didn't want to give off the impression that I was super excited to know! I was super ready I was going to name her Amelia Rose Kramer. Until she moved it to she side and I instantly knew that was out the door. Melissa didn't even have to tell me I knew the moment I saw a little peanut in between his legs that it was a BOY. Dom had an instant grin on his face of course. I guess I'm destined for all boys in my life. We got to see Bean more around a little more, he started out looking up and ended on his stomach and laying on his hand.


I thought for a while of how to tell everyone, I wanted something a little interesting. So I came up with the idea of posing with a soccer ball. Unfortunately nobody understood....Eventually everyone got it. Or they got it when I posted a picture of his little winky. I'm excited to be able to call Bean a him instead of an it now. He's finally getting his identity. Grandma Anja has already bought him Superman onsies.

That's it for now friends. Bean and I are ready for a nice little nap.