Friday, September 4, 2015

whats the right way?

Let me tell you a little about my mothering style. Its not right, its not wrong, its too little and its too much. Its not what you or her would do. But its what I do and I have a happy healthy kid.

You see my kid running around without shoes in the backyard. I see a kid who ran out before I could put on his shoes. But also a kid who is enjoying the feeling of grass and earth under him. (Not on cold or wet days obviously)

You see my husband cursing in front of my kid. I see a  time my kid will shout SHIT in front of others and it will be embarrassing, but we will laugh at it years later. It happens. He will know those words are adult words.

You see my kid eating at the table without a high chair and thats dangerous. I see a little human who wants to do everything that everyone else does, he cheers with his glass, he eats in regular bowls (corelle life saver) and he sneaks food to the dog. And eats and tries everything.

You see my kid with a dirty shirt. I see he has been playing eating enjoying whatever it was. A little dirt never hurt anyone. At the end of the day he gets a bath, gets clean clothes and goes to bed.

You see an almost 2yr old who isnt talking much. I see a kid who hears two languages constantly.  Who understands when I ask him to get a diaper in the other room but cant tell me what ye wants to eat, but will grab it from the fridge. Hes independent and likes to do things for himself.

You see my kid awake at 9pm. I see a kid who stays awake to see his dad come home. Whose naps are set to a t, but sometimes is tired by 7 sometimes not until 10.

You see my kid watching tv. I see the inevitable. Their future will be filled with electronics and internet. All I can do is make sure he does more than just that, watch tv, play games he will know harry potter, lotr, star wars. He will know family time and the outdoors and board games.

You see my kid fall and freak out as I congratulate him. I know  the difference between a stumble and fall and a dangerous fall. In doing that he gets up wipes his hands off and keeps going. He also knows the difference between pain and reaction.
(I was at the store the other day and this 10yr old tripped on his shoes and fell, he dell to the ground and stayed there waiting for his mom to come back and help him, he even scooted closer to his shoes. This was a very uncomfortable 3 minutes trying to go around him to get my groceries).

You see my kid playing with a doll. I see him imitating me. Thats what children do. I wont take a toy away from him because of "gender roles". If he wants to play with his cousins old cabbage patch kid I wont stop him. There are no "boy version" of dolls for toddlers. Also something pink wont turn him gay.

You see my kid getting sick. I see a growing immune system. My kid doesnt go to daycare or is around a lot of kids, so he isnt exposed to a lot of the germs they grow immune to. Hes not the boy in the bubble but hes only been around less than two years so there will surely be a lot of sickness.

You see my kid being a wildman, wrestling, running, jumping, hitting, climbing. I see a kid. A toddler. An active little boy.

You see my kid throwing a tantrum. I see nothing. I will not acknowledge these.

I see a social, loving, funny, sweet, intelligent, wild, carefree little human.

We all see things different, we all have different parenting styles. What you may see as bad that someone does, may not be bad in their eyes.
Im always learning and taking advice, and sharing advice.
I know the way I raise my son wont necessarily be the way he raises his children, but I know hes happy for now.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

a bond like glue. super glue

Every mother expects to have that instant bond with their baby after theyre born.
Almost every mother Ive talked to said the moment they held their baby it kicked in.
I blamed the drugs, the lack of sleep, the inexperience with babies.
Truth is, I didnt feel that instant bond. I felt terrible and kept waiting for it to happen.
Of course I never told anyone because who admits to that? Am I so heartless?
Could it have been the epidural and that my body didnt naturally produce the chemical that causes that bond?
I knew I loved my son. I knew from when I was pregnant that I loved him. So why didnt that instant connection happen?
I kept wondering if it was never going to happen.
Which only worsened my ppd.
And maybe that was it? The hormones that were all over the place. So many nights I cried while holding him, or changing him...
I will never forget the first time he fell off the couch, I think he was 6 weeks and i set him down and turned to fix the blanket and he fell. My heart sunk. I had that ugly cry with the hiccups. My husband ended up googling stories of other moms who it had also happened to. I couldnt get over it though, I just felt like a terrible mother.
I know it was an accident. Im not a terrible mother i know I love my son, I know my son loves me.

As time went on we created our bond. Weve recreated our bond time and time. Its like falling in love with your significant other.
Ive learned to trust my motherly instinct. Hes learning to be more of a mommas boy. Hes being more affectionate. He trusts me. I trust him. I now understand what that bond is. Maybe I didnt have it right away. I have it now which is more than some moms.
Maybe our bond is even stronger, hes made me realize so much in the last year and a half. It feels like hes been a part of my whole life.
I really dont recall much from life before him, it wasnt bad, it just, was (wake up go to work, come home, watch tv, go out once in a while) .. Maybe thats why I always wanted new pets, I wanted a bond with something that loved me unconditionally.
I remember being really young and in the shower wanting to bathe with my cat. I know its weird and probably when my cat lady ways started, but it was more to care for something.
Today after I cut charlies hair we both needed a shower, so we both hopped in and took a bath together splashing and playing with the toys.
Certain moments solidify your connection, that was definitely one for me.
I love my son, I love his hugs, his messes, his laugh, his smile, his walk, his kisses, his slober. Hes taught me to be okay with my insecurities, to love myself, who my real friends are, that its okay to cry and be vulnerable. That its okay to rely on someone else.
Just because something didnt click right away doesnt mean it wont happen. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
Nobody starts out perfect.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

For my first act Ill bring back an eradicated disease

Have you seen measles in front of you? What about smallpox? Maybe polio? Chances are you haven't.  These diseases have been eradicated in the US. At least they were. Measles was virtually gone until 2000, then breakouts started happening.

This year 102 cases have been reported from one person that visited Disneyland. One person! 14 states, 102 cases. Let that sink in.

Humans think we're invincible, that in every situation it will "never happen to me."
My generation is the worst, if we dont see it then it didnt happen or it wont.
Something changes inside of us once we are faced with something, until we see it, until its too late.

So why are parents deciding against vaccinating their children?
I posted a status asking and these were some of the answers.

*First born had allergic reaction so they dont vaccinate the others in fear of allergy.
*Big Pharma is not to be trusted
*Afraid it causes autism
*Blindly following others without doing research
*Not knowing the ingredients

These are terrible reasons to gamble with your childs health!

We can not rely on others doing it, Ive heard the story; "why does it matter if my child isnt vaccinated if yours is?"
While vaccines work 95% for those vaccinated theres also the ones who are too young or for health reasons can not get them.
They rely on "herd immunity" to keep them safe.
When more and more people go against it, it puts everyone in danger.

Most of the time outbreaks come from other countries. Someone traveled to or came into the country whether vaccinated or not (maybe they needed a booster). Planes dont get cleaned thoroughly in between flights. One person.
one layover.
How many people could that one person infect?

The way traveling works now days is the reason kids have to have so many more immunizations. Something that isnt common in Washington could be in Asia.

Some say that our own immune system can fight off the diseases. At what price though? What about side effects or different complications that may come from that one sickness?
Im overly vaccinated, I have the scar on my arm from the smallpox vaccine. Every year in Brasil I would kick and scream because I didnt want to get any shots. Im healthy. I never had chickenpox.
I had the vaccine, at least I wont get shingles.

Autism is not caused by vaccines. Its insane how one doctors false research could become one of the biggest reasons behind peoples decision making. A research that was retracted and a doctor who lost his license!

My friend pointed out that we will never be able to eradicate any more diseases if people dont vaccinate.
While were over here being picky and chosing not to vaccinate, a mother in a third world country is walking 20 miles in order to give her child a chance at not getting sick.

Maybe its going to take seeing these diseases come back and in person. Maybe it will take having a global pandemic. Maybe it will take being too late.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I am 297 months old.

I never understood why after 1 year parents still counted how many months their child was, and when do they decide when to stop? You dont see adults saying "Yes Lisa is 48 months old."

The other day at the mall playground I had to chase Charlie who was trying to steal some guy's drink away from him. (We've already had to pay for someones Panda Express because he decided he was going to run up to their table and grab it and try to run away.)
We got to talking, and apologizing. And the usual questions come up, "Oh shes so cute how old is she?"
"This is my 23 month old, and thats my 4 year old."
* Oh you're one of those people.....*

Why can't you just say shes turning 2 next month?!!! I find myself telling months because someone else is telling months. Then I wonder, what if someone else is doing that just because Im doing it too!!?!!
The insanity has to stop.
Charlie turned 1 in November. No more 14 months.

Is it so the other person knows what size clothes they wear? Let me tell you My disproportionate son wears 24 on top, and 12 on bottom. He's got that top heavy from his dad. Maybe my short little legs?
Is it because the doctor says it so now we feel like were more sophisticated and must use the same lingo as them?
Pregnancy ended many many months ago, a part Im all too happy to forget, but now instead of counting weeks, Im counting months.

I think its cute and perfectly okay to use months for the first year, I mean that year is when so much happens. They go from being little helpless babies to crawling and walking and talking! Thats a lot to learn in just a year.

So unless we stop the nonsense of telling months after a year I will refer to my age to months as well. 297.8 months. (Yes I used a calculator, For math is another language to me)

Sunday, January 18, 2015

The book>The movie

I read this joke the other day and it went.
How do you tell if someone's read the book before they've watched the movie?
They'll tell you, oh they'll tell you.
I couldn't stop laughing because well, that's me. And I apologize to my friends whom Ive ruined shows or movies for but I can't help it. The book is often times so much better.

Think of it as this way; I'll use food because well I like to eat, a lot.
The book is a Royal Red Robin burger, its got all these layers. The cheese, the meat,the egg, the lettuce, ketchup and bottomless fries.
The movie....its like a school cafeteria hamburger with 5 soggy fries.

For example. Characters in books are complex, the writing makes you create this version of a character that at times when brought to live is less than acceptable. And god forbid the actor is replaced in later movies.
One instance is Harry Potter (I'm also mildly obsessed with harry potter).
I typically read a book then watch the movie, however being 10 and really not into fantasy I need up watching the movie first. And I was hooked,so I read the books. I got sucked into a land of magic, and to this day with all our moving I guess my letter to Hogwarts was lost in the mail.
Richard Harris played the perfect Albus Dumbledore, he had the twinkle in his eye and reminded me that while he was old he was still fierce and caring at the same time. Unfortunately Richard Harris a passed away ad was replaced with Michael Gambon. Bad casting, were all too aware of the notorious almost strangling in the 4th movie. I

Movies tend to leave out important information while keeping seemingless unimportant things in it.
For this I'll use the Hunger Games, great books, not translated into movies very well...
I took my husband to see the first one when it first came out, I was super excited to watch it and show him this awesome movie where kids fight to the death because society's so messed up.
I don't know who left the movie theater more confused. Why wasn't Madge in the movie? Avoxes hello?
You have all this money to make this movie ad you're gonna get so much more back and this is what you give us?... A jungle with kids running from each other?..This is one of the rare moments he was actually happy that I read the book and didnt stop talking about it.

And then there are the movies that start out so good and you think OK they're staying close to the book,and in the end they're running out of time and just throw random things in?
I started out really into the movie and enjoying it, they could have gone more in depth about the aptitude test I'll let it go. But they completely forgot to film Edwards scenes!!! And there was a lot more chemistry between four and Tris that's all....I wasn't disappointed with the movie, But I did find Eric more attractive than Four.

However not always are movies a bad interpretation of the book.
Jurassic park was very loyal to the book. Also another time I watched the movie before the book, I was actually unaware there was a book until in middle school. One minor difference was that Hammond actually dies in the first book.
The shining was also a great adaptation, I prefer the second BBC version which is also like 4 or 5 hours and didn't have Shelley Duvall (who I find very irritating) but they put in everything the book had.

I know I'm picky. And I have ridiculous expectations out of my movies, after all I bet invested into my books. And every person focuses on different parts of books. I know there's no way tp perfectly translate word for word into a movie...
But someone tell me... How the hell is 50 shades of gray turning into a movie and its not.... porn??

Saturday, January 17, 2015

What would you do with a whole day to yourself?

Today Charlie got to go spend the day at his boppys and Mimi's.
That means I had a free day as my husband calls it, good because I think I was catching Charlies cold.
In the morning I packed his bag lots of clothes, boogey wipes(just a fancy name for saline wipes), his sheep,  and off he went to a day adventure.

What was I to do with a whole 9 hours to myself?!?  About once a month Charlie goes over to his yayas house and spends the night,  usually its someone's birthday or something were doing that night so while its great to get to do something were usually trying to pack so much in that day that its more exhausting than having him. Seriously one day we dropped him off, had to rush to lunch at the space needle(courtesy of Doms work) and make it to everett for a hockey game, all in about a 5 hour span.

So today was nice that I had no plans, and had no plans on folding the laundry that has piled on the night stand, and wherever else charlie drags things to. The house is clean otherwise. Big thank to my mom who's been cleaning the kitchen. Did I mention my parents are living with me?? Some may think its inconvenient, I think its yummy. I'll take my moms delicious food any day!!!!!

So I started my day with reading my book, I'm currently reading the Divergent trilogy. Its taken me way too long to read a book that's less than 500 pages. I'm a huge bookworm so I get really invested into my books, but I'm happy to say I finished the first book and on to the second.
I did my nails, my toes and my hands. Well whatever little tiny hand nails I have now that I don't constantly do them anymore. It was a 2x a week thing.

I was able to go to the bathroom and shower and not have little hands slapping the door or trying to get under.
I actually left the bathroom door open all day without having to run in and drag little hands out of trying to get into the toilet.

In spent time with my cats, all day fat jack and Kobe laid in bed with me while I read or watched TV.
I caught up on TV shows, and watched more Friends.

The greatest of all I got BORED! I haven't gotten bored in a very long time. It was a reminder that I enjoy being on my toes all day being a mom. I'm fortunate to have all day to play and hang out with my little man. But I'm also grateful for family to get a breather day here and there. Thank you guys.

Being a parent is hard, it can put strain on your marriage or relationship. So once a month, take time out from being parents and indulge in being significant others. Go to a movie, to the beach, have a picnic in the living room and watch movies.
You'd be surprised at how much that can lift your spirits.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Extra junk in the trunk

Celebrities give us a false idea of what were supposed to look like. Its hard enough trying to learn all that stupid kim kardashian contouring and looking red carpet skinny.
Then they get pregnant and you secretly hope they gain 80 pounds and look terrible...and they don't. Seriously who wears 5inch heels weeks before they're due??!!
And just when you think it couldn't get worse, articles of them 2 weeks post baby bod come out.
Come on! Are you even human???!!!!

Two weeks after having Charlie my hair was a mess, my stomach was all sorts of deflated and jello and I did not leave the house. And I didn't even have a c section!
The whole idea that women need to get back to their post baby body as soon as possible is incredibly unrealistic. It took 9 months to get like this and it sure isn't going to go back in weeks, not even a couple of months.
Not only are you extremely exhausted from lack of sleep, healing, emotional, but now I gotta worry about how skinny and how not in shape I am?

There is nothing wrong with taking your time to lose the weight. There's nothing wrong with having a little saggier boobs, there's nothing wrong with having new stretch marks. Theres nothing wrong eating carbs!
The world needs to stop rushing women into getting back to shape or they're not considered attractive anymore.
It takes 6 weeks for your body to get over the trauma of childbirth and I've heard something like 2 years to really get back to normal.
Your whole life has changed, you cant expect your body not to.
Give me a break. Even now a year later my weight isn't my priority. I have an elliptical in the garage I use, not as often as I'd like, but its something.

Just give a girl time, shell lose the weight when she's ready. I don't need to feel obligated to get back in shape before my kid can even hold its head up.
I'm only human.